Ask me Again
by Shadowngel
Summary: (Wufei's POV) Wufei gives the answer to a question that he never thought he could find... "She had all the answers. She was Nataku.. And that was all she needed to know."


Ask me Again...  
By: Shadow@ngel [  
superpinay@hotmail.com][1]

Disclaimer: I do not own GW. I wish I did, but I don't. (Join the club, Shadow... *Sigh*). Anyway. I dunno why I wrote this. I don't really write much about Wufei. In fact, the only time so far that I've written him into one of my stories was in the Schbieker Chronicles... and he only had one line. Hm. I guess I could give him a bigger part later in the series. ^.^. Well um...Wufei was hanging around in my head, bugging me to write it!   
(Wufei: Hey.. shadow... I promise if you write this, I'll stop calling you Onna!   
Shadow: You swear?   
Wufei: No... but write it anyway.   
Shadow: ...)  
I wrote this in like five minutes, so excuse me if it wreaks and sux a whole lot. I just ... wrote. Meiran was calling and my fingers were dying to move! So I wrote it! And yeah! This is for Wufei & all the Wufei fans out there who luv him!!

Sometimes…. People come up to me and ask me why I did it. Why I served Dekim and Mariemaea. They wonder why I 'betrayed' my comrades. And it's always the same: they have this accusing look, like I was evil or had purposely done it. They look at me as if I could have gone without it. Still they ask: Why? And I always have the same answer.  
"I don't know." That will probably remain my answer until I find a better one. That is simply because it is just that- I do not know myself.  
When you ask others why I had done it, you will receive hostile and persecuting answers like, "Because he's a jerk.", "Because he's an idiot.", "Because he's just a traitor!" And I'm just sick of it! How about taking the time to hear something you haven't heard before. Something you may never hear again, so listen good… and listen well.  
When it all began when I was a lot younger, I was a scholar. Yes, a scholar. I was immersed in my world of facts. A world where everything was true, and it was always one thing, or another. When you were a scholar, you could focus on just what was there. Not what you feel. A scholar, if he's the right type, can forget himself and just… learn.  
That was the only thing I had. Back then, I lived in a tribe of an ancient Chinese society. Descendants from great warriors and intelligent scholars. I chose to be the latter, because I didn't think I had it in me to fight. I always thought that being a warrior was foolish, and it was simply another way to commit suicide. Scholars, for a while, I had admired so much. And since I was so determined to become the best at what I did, the older scholars admired me. Instead of being looked down upon, I was beginning to grow into someone I wasn't sure I hated or loved.  
The warriors… they pitied me. Always calling me weak. Laughing and scoffing behind my back, bragging about what I could have been: an unstoppable warrior. I had a lot to live up to. My father was a warrior, himself. He was the best, they say. But do not hate him. Because he did not hate me. Surprisingly, he supported my studies. He felt that I could be whatever I wanted, whether it be my dream, or his. And since I chose to neglect the family tradition and chose to become a scholar… he didn't care. He was my father. I was his son. NOTHING would EVER change that.  
He defended me from his student's abusive behavior and aggression. From then on, I hated warriors, fighting, and violence. I thought they were unnecessary and stupid. Warriors could go to hell for all I cared.  
So, you can imagine my anguish when I learned my mother engaged me to one…  
There was screaming, hollering inside. Her family and my family were all gathered in one house and they had chosen that one day to tell me of the engagement. It all ended in me, my mother and the girl I was being engaged to either sulking or stomping out of the house in fury. It took me a while before I actually came back to the house. I chose to hang around a beautiful expanse of a meadow for a while before returning.  
My mother wasn't back yet, but my father was there. He had never left.  
Things soon after seemed to return to normal. From there on out, things were a blur. My soon-to-be wife sort of…. grew on me. I don't know how she did it, but the onna somehow made me fall in love with her. She was beautiful.  
We spent little time together, but while trying to deny I had feelings for her, I realized those small moments were enough. Though few, they were worth a million. And she later told me, that they too, were enough for her.  
And slowly, and gradually, I found out that she was exactly what I had wanted to be. I didn't want to be a scholar, I wanted to be a warrior. She had brought out my secrets by simply being in my presence. She was amazing. Meiran was unlike anyone I had ever known before.  
But, the gods chose a cruel fate. Just when I had gained the courage to tell her, a war broke out and complete chaos was running amuck. And she somehow got it in her head that she was invincible. That she was Nataku. And it got her killed. So, in a way, I had lost her just when I had barely begun to find her.  
I finally understood why people killed themselves over seemingly useless reasons. Because doing anything else hurt. So much.  
I was numb after. I couldn't feel anymore. All I could feel was anger and indifference. All the feelings before were reserved for Meiran when I would meet her in the afterlife. My behavior was more hostile now, instead of the know-it-all attitude I used to have. I used my anger to feed my fire and to train instead of study. My parents noticed this change in me. My father grew both proud for my dedication and transition to the arts and at the same time saddened that I was not pursuing my former dream.  
It did not matter. This time, I would fight for her. I would fight for Meiran. I would be strong for her because she was so strong for me. I soon found that women were weak. I watched them struggle with simple chores Meiran would do in minutes. I watched them wine about their petty looks and puffy lips. I saw them laugh too high or sleep too long. And I realized that they were nothing. They were weak: Meiran was so much stronger. In comparison, the women of the tribe were completely pathetic! I wondered how they were ever in the same tribe in the first place.  
The little things began to bother me so much, I forgot about the women and focused only on training.  
This sort of made me a celebrity. The girls cooed over me and they usually giggled and whispered things about me. Because I was excelling, I was suddenly an idol. Right. How stereotypical.  
Well, I can't remember anything during that period of time. And I can't remember most of the war. All I can remember was something I had told myself to avoid because they'd eventually get to my head. A woman. Her name was Sally.  
Sally.. was a bit older than me. Yet she treated me as an equal. She made me feel something different- contrast to the usual coldness I had always felt.  
And her eyes. They spoke to me. While her lips were still, her eyes sang of melodies from a time long, long ago. Absolutely beautiful. And this scared me. I was waiting for Meiran. I did not want someone else. There was one and there would only be one. I could not bare to fall for another.  
But Sally was a warrior. She looked at me with eyes so similar to Meiran's. I was afraid because I would fall for Sally because she felt like Meiran. To be with her was like standing in the middle of a field with the warm rays of the sun on my back while the cool summer breeze flowed past me. It was, for lack of a word, perfect. I did not want that.  
And as time passed, I learned she was not Meiran. The difference was that while Meiran's eyes were made of crystal, Sally's were of Jade.  
Don't laugh. When love strikes, you will understand just what I mean.  
So, as the war ended, I traveled aimlessly, waiting for an answer to a question I had never really asked. I did not belong there. I belonged in the battle. My mission was not yet complete. The problem was also the fact that I was searching for what my mission was. That was yet another objective that eluded me. Why was I there?  
And… somehow, I found Dekim and Mariemaea. They were absolute. They knew their path, while mine was still clouded by my uncertainty. I wanted what they had, and I joined them.  
And here you are. Right back at the beginning where this little essay of mine began. Why did I do it? Why did I join Mariemaea.  
Well here's the answer. I did it because I didn't know who I was.  
I needed to know. Was I a Gundam Pilot? A scholar? A student? A warrior…or the boy who fell in love with one? And I knew that Meiran had found out who she was. She knew exactly what she was and what she wanted to be. She had all the answers. She was Nataku. That was all she needed to know.  
I was still lost.  
I was still lurking in that endless void of eternal black. It had not let me go, and it would never, unless I found the candle that would light my way. And you see…I used Meiran as my guide.

  
…If Merian was Nataku….  
…who then…  
  
  


  


…was I ?

So! How do you like it? Sux? Cool? Weird? Stupid! Whatever! Just review! ... oh be quiet...I kno it sux. So sue me..! (not literally..) Well, thanx for reading! Buh-bye! (And when u review, keep in mind I wrote this in like five seconds.)

   [1]: mailto:%0d%0asuperpinay@hotmail.com



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